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Tuesday, January 19, 2016

2015

I've gone back and forth on whether or not I would post this but ultimately decided I have nothing to lose.

For about two to three years, I've dealt with depression and I was doing well for quite some time. I ended 2014 on a good note and I expected 2015 to be my turn around year. That's not what happened.

The year turned bad pretty quickly, almost immediately. Something that happened a few months into the year triggered it again and the results were severe. Eventually, it seemed easier to let those bad feelings consume me instead of working out my problems or reaching out. I was lying to everyone that I was okay when it was obvious that I was falling apart. It was the worst it had ever been and I was constantly going through mood changes and days where I couldn't get out of bed, eat, or go to school. While I had times when these things happened, they were short and I could recover. This was way different than before. This was a continuous hopelessness that I couldn't shake. I knew I had people around me but I've learned that no matter how many supportive people you have around you, you still end up feeling alone. It doesn't help that I was pushing them away when I really needed them the most. I hated the days that I thought I didn't have any options but to give up to stop hurting.   2015 was easily the worst year of life and I couldn't wait for it to end.

I know that a new year doesn't automatically mean that things will get better but there's something positive that a new year brings. I'm aware that I'm going to have bad days but I hope to go about my depression better. I can make the decision to get help and focus on managing this in a healthy way instead of just hoping I make it to the next day. So here is to a new year, a fresh start, and a MUCH better year.



Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Identity Reloaded



*This is a post from my old blog that I'm expanding on.

I’m Mexican.

That isn't difficult to see but it took me a while to get to the point where I was happy saying it. My features are very much Latina and as a child I wasn't comfortable with that. I went to a mostly white elementary school and at an age where you want to fit in, that made it difficult.

My first language is Spanish but when I entered kindergarten, it was quickly forgotten. Now my strong language is English and I struggle with my Spanish. There were times where I wanted to know why I looked different than the other kids or why there were not more people who looked like me. It wasn't until I grew up that I realized why I felt that way.

Over time it gradually became more diverse. In junior high, I was excited that I met a group of friends that were like me and had similar experiences. They had parents with backgrounds similar to mine and celebrated things in a way my family always did.

In high school, I noticed that I gravitated towards similar people because I was most comfortable around them. I began to feel proud of my ancestry and where I came from. But it wasn't until this year that I realized how big of an issue I had with my ethnicity. I can’t believe it took me so long to accept something I’m so happy to be part of now.

When I started blogging, I knew that I wanted to make it known that I was happy with who I was, I mean, this is my blog after all. I would love to see more people like me on here and be successful. I've seen some but I wish there were more.

I had an idea of where this was going but it might have changed half way through, if you could tell? I just liked this old post.  


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Monday, May 4, 2015

Hello Hello



I am here and I have not disappeared.

After some time away from this, I'm back fully and I can honestly say I miss blogging and reading others writing. I guess this post is a life update.  

School has been kind of hectic with midterms but it's over and I can relax until finals start in June. I should probably study when I'm supposed to this time instead of waiting last minute (let's be real, that's not gonna happen)

I'm working somewhere new and that's always exciting. My bank account thanks them.

The weather is finally warming up enough to wear my cute spring/summer clothes.

My 21st birthday is next month and that is going to an experience for sure. 

I'm thinking of what I want to do after I graduate next year.

I'm trying to focus on the positive.

I had a really yummy pesto bagel before writing this. 

Life is not too bad right now. 

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Friday, March 27, 2015

Back To It

I'm currently on spring break and my stress levels have finally gone down. I was having a rough time with some other personal things as well, but I'm doing so much better now. In fact, things are looking up for me.

I've noticed that when ever some thing bad happens to me, it's followed by a bunch of good things that happen one after the other. I guess you could say I'm lucky in that way.

As of now, I'm looking at things in a much more positive light than before and I'm focusing on my happiness. Why linger on the past and negative things when you can do you.

It's still early in the year and even though it wasn't what I had expected, there is still lots of time to turn it around. I'm hoping to get out of my comfort zone this year and see where it takes me. There's so much in this world that I can do and I'm not about to sit here and not take advantage of it.

Again, like my last post from before, I didn't have an intended point to this. I think I'll be going into some more personal posts next and see how those are received. I'm trying to keep this as genuine and real as possible.   

Monday, March 9, 2015

Being Alone

I've always liked being alone. It's easy for me, especially since I'm often times very closed off to people. I can communicate fine and talk with others about themselves but when it comes to my own feelings, I shut down. 

I find comfort in my alone and quiet time. I find comfort in my own thoughts. I also know that it's one of my flaws. 

It's easier to deal with things myself instead of involving others. I also don't like giving people the power to hurt me and by sharing my feelings, that's exactly what I give them. 

But I have the bad habit of taking it too far and bottling up all my emotions and not dealing with them. I'm that stubborn person who thinks they can deal with all of their problems by themselves and has to be forced to talk about things. 

I don't really know where this post was supposed to go or whether or not it had a point but I just felt like writing about it. I don't even think it makes sense really?

Also I think I'm going to stay off of this for a while since it's the week before finals and I'm also going through some hard stuff. I'll be back soon.


Monday, March 2, 2015

No Spend March






































As some of you may know, I'm a college student. A broke college student to clarify.

These past few months I MAY have gotten a little too spend happy and I may or may not have bought some things I could have lived without. Now that I've checked my bank account and scared myself back to reality, it's time to cut back and save up again.

So as I look back and think of the things I spent my money on, most of it leads back to food. Whether it be fast food or going out to eat, I just don't like making my own food. I take the easy way out and just go out and get it. I'll see how that goes when I'm forced to make my own food and actually try. I also bought some clothes and other stuff, but that I can just not go shopping and I'll be fine.

In March, I am vowing to spend less on pretty much everything, except the necessities. That means I'm going to have to use all of my clothes instead of buying more, make my food instead of buying it made, use the makeup I already have and etc.

At least for this month.

(also the picture is a shameless excuse for a selfie)



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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Happy Things



Everyone has those days where everything goes wrong or you just can't catch a break. Over time I've been able to find specific things that pick me up when I'm down.

1. Freshly done nails.
I know I can't be the only one who feels so much better with my nails done. Something about my nails looking nice is so relaxing and calming. It's the feeling I'd expect if I ever got my life together.

2. Cleaning.
Well, not the cleaning process but the after feeling is nice.

3. One Direction.
They're my happy jams because even their saddest song couldn't upset me. And I love singing to all of their albums in the car and shower.

4. My puppies.
Does this even need explaining? Just look at them.

5. Summertime.
I can't stand anymore of this cold. I have not known warmth since the fall.

6. Grocery stores.
This one is a little weird. I've always liked going to grocery stores, they have a calming effect.

7. Makeup.
Makeup makes me happy but stores like Sephora and Ulta are dangerous. Even the makeup sections in Target and Walmart are bad for my wallet. I own too much makeup and I keep buying more but I can't help it, I NEED more.

8. Driving.
I like to drive around to relax. It's not good for the environment or my gas tank but still.

9. Domino's Pizza
The pizza place that has been there for me since I started the school year. I love them so much.


10. The people in my life.
I have some great people in my life from my family, to my boyfriend, to my best friend. I'm very #blessed.


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