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Tuesday, January 19, 2016

2015

I've gone back and forth on whether or not I would post this but ultimately decided I have nothing to lose.

For about two to three years, I've dealt with depression and I was doing well for quite some time. I ended 2014 on a good note and I expected 2015 to be my turn around year. That's not what happened.

The year turned bad pretty quickly, almost immediately. Something that happened a few months into the year triggered it again and the results were severe. Eventually, it seemed easier to let those bad feelings consume me instead of working out my problems or reaching out. I was lying to everyone that I was okay when it was obvious that I was falling apart. It was the worst it had ever been and I was constantly going through mood changes and days where I couldn't get out of bed, eat, or go to school. While I had times when these things happened, they were short and I could recover. This was way different than before. This was a continuous hopelessness that I couldn't shake. I knew I had people around me but I've learned that no matter how many supportive people you have around you, you still end up feeling alone. It doesn't help that I was pushing them away when I really needed them the most. I hated the days that I thought I didn't have any options but to give up to stop hurting.   2015 was easily the worst year of life and I couldn't wait for it to end.

I know that a new year doesn't automatically mean that things will get better but there's something positive that a new year brings. I'm aware that I'm going to have bad days but I hope to go about my depression better. I can make the decision to get help and focus on managing this in a healthy way instead of just hoping I make it to the next day. So here is to a new year, a fresh start, and a MUCH better year.



1 comment:

  1. I really hope you feel better and things will be much easier for you this year. You know, my 2015 wasn't good and so I'm so looking forward to this year. I know it won't be perfect but I'm positive that it will be so much better. :)

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